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I’m a natural people pleaser. I swear it’s in my blood. So being able to say no to things is a big obstacle for me.
I try to be all of the things for all of the people all of the time. This past weekend was mother’s day, and at the last minute, I said yes to hosting Mother’s day brunch at my house. Don’t get me wrong, I pulled it off and it was totally the best morning we’ve all had in a while. It was so fun to celebrate all the awesome ladies in my life.
But I had already committed to going to order my bridesmaid dress for my sister-in-law’s wedding. I also had told my future cousin in law that he could come use the photoshop on my computer for something of his wedding. Dang. I know a lot of people getting married this year.
Not to mention all the household chores I leave for the weekend.
So now my entire weekend was stuff to the gills and I had no extra time. I’m pretty lucky I have a sweet husband who tackled the monstrous laundry this weekend plus the mountain of dishes after brunch.
I know, I know. He’s a keeper.
Now, this isn’t the typical situation, but I get myself into these conundrums all the time. At work, I’ve got my own caseload and I’ve become the IT assistant as well as the marketing assistant. & I love doing it all. But at some point, there is just not enough hours in the day. Am I right?
That is why saying no is something we must learn to master.
Why it’s ok to say no to more things
When you’re constantly saying yes to everything, at some point you stop giving your all. As my girl Rachel explains in this insta post, you are scarficing you time. Time to re-energize, to do something for you. I’m really bad about not finishing projects for myself because I load myself up with things other people need.
#1 Your goals are just more important.
That’s right. I said it. Girl, you’re #1. Even if you have babies. Don’t get me wrong, you need to take care of the kiddos but you also need to take care of yourself too.
I know it sounds selfish but really, it is. And that’s ok. But no one else is going to do what needs to be done to get there but you.
Do you think you’re going to regret not going for your dreams when the dust settles? Then do it. Go for it like it’s your life’s mission. Because it is.
#2 Your stress level will go down
For real. Giving yourself permission to say no will reduce what you put on your plate.
And if you’re not stressed, that will give you more time for creativity. This will lead to you getting more of what you need to get done for you. I’ve been there. Took on so much that I thought I was going to burst. Or cry. Or both at the same time. It’s no fun.
Bonus: if you’re less stressed out all the time, you’ll be able to enjoy more.
#3 Teach yourself to figure out what you really need
Step back to take the time to assess what you really want and can say yes too. This will pave the way for you to figure out what you actually want to do and like to do.
You love to read? How about writing just for the sake of writing? Maybe hiking is your thing.
Now you have more time to do those things.
#4 Overextending yourself doesn’t help anyone
If you’re not giving your all, you’re not actually helping anyone. I know that when your mom, or sister, or BFF comes to you with something important the last time you want to do is let them down. I get it.
But letting yourself down is just as bad. But I’d bet that you’re the first person to let yourself down. When you’re spread so thin that you can’t focus on anything, well then most of the time nothing quality actually gets done.
How to Say No More
So how do you do it?
Well it’s not an easy task. But with practice, you get better. If you’re anything like me, and people pleasing is in your nature brace yourself. It’s going to feel uncomfortable and awkward. But the more you do it, the easier it gets.
I wanted to share a few tips on how to say no with grace.
#1 Don’t be quick to answer
When someone emails or asks you to do something, tell them you will get back to them. Take a look at what’s going on in your life right now.
Do you actually have time to help them fully? Will you be giving them your undivided and total attention? If not, then say no.
We’re all busy. People will understand.
#2 Give a compliment first and say thank you
Softening the blow is helpful. Express your gratitude by letting them know that you appreciate them thinking of you and thank them for doing so.
#3 Be firm and direct
Sometimes the easiest way to do something is to just rip the band-aid off. Politely decline firmly.
Don’t give excuses. Just simply, “I’m sorry, but I am unable to help with that. I’ve already got a full schedule that day” Then leave it at that.
#4 Provide an alternative if you can
Maybe you’re swamped and just really don’t have the time. That’s a perfectly valid reason. But maybe you know someone who can help. Check with them first before passing their name along.
Or maybe it’s not an urgent request and the requestor can wait. You’re swamped this week but have some free time next week that you could use for this request. Again, don’t say yes just becuase you have time next week. Only say yes if it is something that you truly want to do.
It will be ok
We’re all busy. People will understand.
Always saying yes is crippling. It will kill your productivity and your creativity. That’s just not cool.
You’ll end up resenting more and more things that you take on if you really don’t want to do them. When you say no, you’re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. it’s how you grow and become better.
I challenge you to think about it every time someone asks for a favor for the next 7 days. What happens? Are you doing a lot of crap you don’t need to or want to do? Leave a comment and tell me about it.
